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Eclectic Observer » Opinions

The Taxman taketh and, too often, fritters away

David Goodwin - News Editor

“Let me tell you all how it will be; there’s one for you, 19 for me. 'Cause I’m the taxman, yeah, I’m the taxman. And you’re working for no one but me.”

It’s so rare that I can work history’s greatest band into a column, but this week is one of those special Beatles-music-as-commentary moments.

Procrastinators everywhere are have hardly recovered from Tuesday night’s rush to the post office - likely near midnight - to drop off burnt offerings to the IRS gremlins.

“Taxman” was one of the first songs guitarist George Harrison ever wrote. The idea came to him, he said, after filing his first tax return after The Beatles hit it big. George couldn’t believe how much of his newfound fortune had to be paid back to The Crown.

It’s a sentiment with which many Americans can agree. Sure, taxes fund a lot of meaningful, worthwhile programs, like the military, law enforcement and aide for those less fortunate.

But you’d be astounded at some of the ridiculous boondoggles we also fund. Over at Auburn, university students with the Catfish Genome Project are working to engineer a bigger, stronger catfish. I lived in Catfish County for a while (in Greensboro, home of American Pride Seafood), and I’m not sure they need a $6 Million Catfish.

They pull a mindboggling quantity of whisker-fish out of that area’s ponds; make them bigger and strong, I’d be concerned about humanity’s place at the top of the food chain.

We’ve all heard the stories about the Volkswagen-sized catfish spotted by divers in the depths of Lake Martin.

Catfish seem to do all right; I think I’d rather save that bit of tax money for my own gym membership.

Paying taxes doesn’t bother me (much), but watching Congress waste my dollars to win favor in their districts makes me feel like the one with a hook in my mouth. Some members of Congress always say we need higher taxes “to sustain crucial services.”

What, like the West Virginia project to study the management of pig manure ($372,375, thanks to Sen. Robert Byrd)?

Or how about Sen. Ted Stevens’s infamous Bridge to Nowhere, a nearly $400 million project to build a bridge to an island in Alaska with around 50 full-time residents?

Meanwhile, the state of Alabama is abuzz at concerns the education budget might have to be downsized again, due to shrinking tax receipts.

If these projects were actually “crucial” to business or social interests, as their Congressional sponsors claim, wouldn’t they pony up a little of their own coffers to establish them?

But then again, maybe I ought to just keep my mouth shut, like George Harrison advised so many years ago.

“Don’t ask me what I want it for, if you don’t want to pay some more.”

David Goodwin is news editor of The Observer. Contact him at 334-567-7811 or david.goodwin@thewetumpkaherald.com.