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By Stephen Beech
Men - particularly those with narcissistic tendencies - are more likely than women to love being the target of gossip, according to a new study.
American and German researchers set out to discover whether it's better to be talked about or to be ignored.
Their findings revealed "unexpected" insights into why people gossip - and what it says about us.
Study leader psychology Professor Andrew Hales says decades of research on ostracism have shown that even subtle or brief instances, such as being ignored by a stranger, can threaten our most basic psychological needs.
Hales, from the University of Mississippi, said: "When someone ostracises you, even if it's just momentarily, even if it's just a stranger, it makes you feel like an outsider.
"It makes you feel bad about yourself. It makes you feel momentarily meaningless."
Add gossip to the mixture, and the situation quickly becomes an even trickier psychological riddle.
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Hales said: "Gossip has a bad reputation for a reason: no one wants to be talked about behind their back.
"But at the same time, people don't want to be ignored either.
"So, if your only options are being gossiped about or being seen as so insignificant that no one even mentions you, both feel negative, just in very different ways.
"This research set out to explore what happens when those two powerful social motives collide."
Hales teamed with Dr. Meltem Yucel, of Duke University, and Professor Selma Rudert, of the University of Kaiserlautern-Landau, Germany, to tackle this question.
Dr. Yucel has studied gossip across different age groups, from young children to college students, and how it influences friendships and social dynamics.
She became interested in gossip as a child in Turkey, where she attended Day of Gold gatherings- traditional events where women eat, drink, and gossip.
Dr. Yucel said: "When I was a kid, if I ever wanted to comment on gossip, I'd be shushed or told not to get involved in adult conversations.
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"So, I was always curious - why is it okay when adults do it, but not kids?
"That question stuck with me for a long time, and it wasn't until my Ph.D. that I finally had the chance to really research it."
For the new study, published in the journal Self and Identity, the research team asked volunteers to imagine being at a party where people who leave become the subject of conversation.
When they leave the party, they're asked: Would you rather be talked about or not?
The research team conducted five experiments with more than 1,000 participants to explore the question through different variations.
Hales said, "People would rather be gossiped about positively than negatively.
"But one thing that really surprised me is that within each of those, the preferences were not universal.
"About a third of participants said they didn't want to be the focus of positive gossip.
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"While the reasons aren't fully clear, it's possible they view positive gossip as potentially insincere or worry it could quickly turn negative."
The research team found that gender and narcissism were "key predictors" of a desire to be the focus of gossip, even when it's negative.
On average, 15% of people with that preference tend to be narcissists, and men are more likely than women to exhibit that desire.
Hales said: "Narcissists often feel entitled and special, so they may believe gossip about them is positive, even if it's clearly negative.
"More likely, though, they prefer negative attention over being ignored altogether."
Most people dislike being the target of negative gossip - with around 85% opposed to it, according to the findings.
However, positive gossip is generally welcomed with around 64% of people liking it.
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But nearly one in three people are uncomfortable with positive gossip.
The researchers believe that may be due to a lack of control, suspicion of hidden negativity, or cultural or religious beliefs against gossip.
Dr Yucel said another key finding is that gossip isn't inherently bad as it can serve "important" social functions.
She says, when done with good intentions and without lies, even negative gossip can help groups maintain fairness and accountability.
Hales said: "Gossip is ubiquitous.
"It's very common for people to talk about people.
"We're social animals, and social animals are fascinated with other people, and they're going to talk about them when they aren't present."
He added: "Like all things in life, it's wise to be compassionate and thoughtful and deliberate about what you choose to share about other people."
