My dad has taught me a lot of lessons.
He’s taught me how to be open-minded and non-judgemental of those around me. He’s shown me how to treat not just other people well, but also treat myself well. He introduced me to the wide world of sports and he taught me how to say please and thank you.
But one of the most important life lessons my dad has taught me is how to create the perfectly stale Peep.
Now, before you stop reading because you’re thinking, “Peeps are disgusting,” I know. I agree wholeheartedly.
But there is something fun about consuming a truly awful piece of food, especially if it’s only once in a blue moon. So don’t turn away just yet; grab some popcorn and settle in. Eat a Peep this year, using this recipe and you won’t regret it. And don’t worry — you don’t have to eat it for at least a month after reading this.
The art of the perfectly stale Peep is not something to be messed around with. There’s something beautifully vile about that gushy, marshmallowy inside that’s still somehow always soft with an extra crispy crust of deliciously stale sugar.
It’s a process though. You can’t just go buy some Peeps today and get them perfectly stale by the next day. You’ve really gotta think ahead.
The first step is to take your unwrapped box of Peeps and put it in the windowsill. You’re going to want to put them in your most sunny windowsill — the one you’d put some beautiful yellow roses on, just replace the roses with yellow Peep chicks.
(Oh yes, before I forget, the chicks are the best — preferably yellow — followed by the pink bunnies. There is a science here.)
Leave your wrapped box of Peeps in the windowsill for approximately 10-12 days. Once you hit that “not-quite-two-weeks” mark, you’re going to want to take them out of the windowsill for at least three days. This ensures the Peeps have a chance to absorb all the sunshine and before they get truly mushy inside.
From there, you’ll need to start working on your sugary, delightful crust. The Peeps already help you out with a solid base; now all you need to do is add air. This means cut a small slice in your Peeps box — just a little one though, not like you’re cooking Stouffer’s mac and cheese.
Leave your Peeps box on the counter for another 1-2 weeks, the longer the better. Keep in mind, these are Peeps my friends. They are going to survive the Apocalypse; they’re not going to go bad.
However, some of you may be ready to dig into your masterpiece so at least one week will suffice. Following this, put your Peeps box into the windowsill for another 1-2 days, almost like a final broil if you will.
If you are really brave and you’ve nailed the original recipe, you can totally extend these times and make them even more stale, more perfect and more objectionable. My grandmother would always get my dad Peeps for Christmas, but she lived so far away, sometimes we didn’t see her until February and even March. We always joked those Peeps were primed and ready to eat; — or maybe we were serious, it’s always hard to tell.
Once your Peeps are ready, my recommendation is to eat just one, because they are pretty awful, but if you’re like my dad and actually enjoy the perfectly stale Peeps, then dig in! You won’t regret it (too much).
Lizi Arbogast Gwin is the managing editor of Tallapoosa Publishers Inc.
