Father’s Day has always been one to celebrate in my household. I have a lot of fatherly support, and I appreciate them each and every day.
But as every year passes and we still don’t have a child of our own, Father’s Day has become more and more difficult. It’s not something I open up about often, because, well, it’s very personal, but I think it’s important to share a little bit about my own journey. Maybe it’ll help others.
I never really knew if I wanted to be a mother. I grew up a child of divorce, and my parents split when I was really young. My parents were great in their own ways, but they also had their flaws. I didn’t grow up in a family where we ate dinner together every night or cheered each other on at our respective hobbies. I grew up in a family where you didn’t really talk about your emotions, and you kept a lot hidden.
My parents and I have grown closer in a lot of ways as I’ve gotten older, and I cherish many moments of my childhood. However, there are also a lot of things I would’ve changed and a lot of ways I would like to raise my children differently.
It wasn’t really until I met Charles that I thought I wanted to be a mom. In my past relationship, I had stepchildren and I loved them with all my heart. I thought that role would be good enough for me, but of course, that didn’t work out. I moved 14 hours away and lost contact with them over the years.
And Charles had a similar situation with an ex-girlfriend of his.
So in many ways, we’ve both been parents but we’ve never had children of our own. I cherish my role as an aunt, and I love being a dog momma. But I know now I want kids of my own, and the craziest part about it is now I’m up against a biological clock I can’t control.
I’m not old; don’t get me wrong. I’m only 35, and I’m not one of those people who thinks the good part of life is over when you hit 30.
But I do know as I get older, it becomes increasingly more difficult to become pregnant and it becomes even scarier when it comes to the health of a potential newborn.
Women are having babies older and older these days, so I know I have time. But it’s not an easy journey. “When are you going to have kids? When are you going to give me a grandbaby? How long have you guys been together without kids now?”
These are all questions I hear on a regular basis, and there’s no easy way to answer them.
“I’m trying.” That’s all I can say.
And you never know what people are struggling with, so be careful with these types of questions. Especially when it comes to holidays. There’s nothing more in this world that I want than to make my husband a father, but it’s not so easy for some people. It can be a long harrowing journey, and one that may never come to fruition. That’s a reality I struggle with daily.
But I don’t give up hope — and neither should you, if that’s what you ultimately want.
And if it’s not what you want, then more power to you. Not everyone is in the business of having children.
But just remember as you’re wishing all those dads a Happy Father’s Day, there’s some people out there who are struggling to become one.
Lizi Arbogast Gwin is the managing editor of Tallapoosa Publishers Inc. She can be reached at 434-962-9420 or via email at lizi.gwin@alexcityoutlook.com.
